We were introduced, a friend thought I needed a change from the bad boys I was dating. Most friends thought I was over-correcting (a la HIMYM).
I was sure you were a positive influence, a homebody, well-mannered, well-read, extremely intelligent. In some ways you were a positive influence.
Yet I should have left you when you first castigated me for missing my flight, leaving me crying in a strange airport with nary a friend. When you refused to visit me for fear of catching my flu, when I caught it from visiting you when you were sick. When you quarreled with me and made me feel small about my weight. When you said you weren’t sure if you wanted to get married ever.
I regret the 2 years I spent with you, we were bad for each other and I wished I saw it earlier. I wish you peace and love with someone who suits you better. I also wish that that someone is fat because love shouldn’t be superficial.
He said,”You do know that you can never have everything that she has. Maybe you can only get half of what she gets from me.”
“It’s OK. I don’t want anything else other than having you by my side.” That’s what I told him.
If only things got easier as time goes by.
Half a year later, I found myself pregnant. I made an immediate decision to not tell you about it and made arrangements for an abortion.
I didn’t have the heart to break a family up.
I didn’t want to break her heart when she was already in her 6th month of pregnancy.
So how could I tell you about it?
I thought I was strong enough to continue staying by your side after that incident. I couldn’t be more wrong.
The day finally came whereby I was brave enough to make the decision to leave you.
To leave everything behind and to start afresh somewhere else, at a place where no one knows me and where I won’t be reminded of you and of us.
You called occasionally. I continued to hide, not letting you know anything about where I am.
Until this year when my world came crashing down and you came back to help me piece everything back together.
“Stay with me. Don’t go.
That one year we spent apart made me realised how much I’ve missed you, how much I couldn’t do without you.
Give me a chance to make up for everything. We’ll make things work this time round.
No one was surprised that we came back together. At the same time, everyone gave us their best wishes. They were glad that we finally found each other again.
I thought this will last.
I thought you would have learnt your lesson.
You began to leave me alone for long periods of time.
You requested for me to give you time, told me to wait for you to come back.
And every time you did that, you came back promising that you will never leave me alone again.
I continued to wait. I continued to hope.
I continued to love.
But sweetheart, where were you when I found myself pregnant for the second time?
You left me alone again but this time around, we both know you aren’t never coming back to my life.
There’s no way of letting you back in after all that has happened.
If spending that one year apart has not taught you a lesson, then let this separation be forever from now onwards.
I wish you all the best.
May you be happy with her and your two kids.
With time, I’ll forget everything about you.
Maybe it is after all, a game of who loves more than who.
Surely there comes a point when you figure that you can’t keep taking and taking; or giving and giving.
It has taken me nearly two years, and today to realize that I will never be a priority when it matters – there are far too many reasons, excuses and matters of greater consequence.
Maybe it is time to stop playing games.